When someone hurts you, your first thought may be: How do I make them answer for what they have done?
You may want an apology, compensation or some other form of justice. Islam recognises your right to seek these things. But did you know that claiming your right is not your only option?
Sometimes, you can give charity from your pain.
Not charity in the form of money, but by giving up a right that belongs to you. You take the hurt caused by another person, and instead of using it only to pursue compensation or retaliation, you offer your right of redress to Allah as an act of ṣadaqah.
A remarkable incident from the time of Muʿāwiyah رضي الله عنه helps us understand this.
A broken tooth and a difficult choice
A man from the Quraysh broke the tooth of a man from the Anṣār. The injured man brought his complaint before Muʿāwiyah رضي الله عنه and asked him to intervene.
Muʿāwiyah رضي الله عنه assured him that he would be compensated, but the man continued pressing his claim. When he remained dissatisfied with the proposed settlement, Muʿāwiyah رضي الله عنه eventually told him that he could pursue the matter against the person who had injured him.
Abū al-Dardāʾ رضي الله عنه was sitting there and heard the exchange. He said:
مَا مِنْ رَجُلٍ يُصَابُ بِشَيْءٍ فِي جَسَدِهِ فَيَتَصَدَّقُ بِهِ إِلَّا رَفَعَهُ اللَّهُ بِهِ دَرَجَةً، وَحَطَّ عَنْهُ بِهِ خَطِيئَةً
“I heard Rasūlullāh ﷺ say: ‘Whenever a person suffers an injury to his body and then gives it away as charity, Allah raises him one rank through it and removes one of his sins.’”[1]
The injured man wanted to be certain. He asked:
“Did you yourself hear this from Rasūlullāh ﷺ?”
Abū al-Dardāʾ رضي الله عنه replied:
“My own ears heard it, and my heart retained it.”
The Anṣārī then made his decision:
“In that case, I relinquish it for him.”
He let go of his claim and forgave the man who had injured him.
Muʿāwiyah رضي الله عنه was so moved by his decision that he said:
“Certainly, I will not allow you to leave disappointed.”
He then ordered that the man be given some wealth.[1]
What does it mean to give your pain as charity?
The injured man possessed a genuine right. Something had been taken from him, and he was entitled to seek compensation.
When he forgave the person who had hurt him, he was not pretending that nothing had happened. He was not saying that breaking his tooth was acceptable. Nor was he giving up something meaningless.
He was giving away something that genuinely belonged to him: his right to claim compensation and redress.
That is what made his forgiveness a form of ṣadaqah.
Usually, when we think about charity, we think about giving away something we own, money, food, clothing or time. This narration introduces us to another form of charity: giving away a personal claim for the sake of Allah.
Someone caused you pain. As a result, you acquired a right over them. You may pursue that right, but you may also choose to give that right in charity.
You could say within your heart:
“O Allah, I had the right to demand something in return for this pain. But I am giving up that right for Your sake. Accept it from me as charity.”
The pain itself was not good, but through forgiveness, something good can grow from it.
Forgiveness is not the same as saying it did not hurt
Forgiveness does not require you to deny what happened.
You do not have to call betrayal loyalty, cruelty kindness or injustice a misunderstanding. You may acknowledge the wrong clearly and still decide not to pursue everything you are entitled to receive in return.
The Anṣārī did not imagine that his tooth had never been broken. He first brought his case to the ruler and asked for justice. His injury was recognised, and his right was established. Only then did he voluntarily relinquish it.
His forgiveness had value because there was something real to forgive.
Giving charity from your pain therefore means saying:
“What you did was wrong, and I had a right against you. But I am choosing to release that right in the hope that Allah will raise me through it and forgive me.”
Justice is permitted, but forgiveness offers another path
Islam does not teach that a person must accept every wrong silently. The victim is entitled to seek justice, compensation and protection. Seeking one’s lawful right is not sinful.
The beauty of this narration is that it shows us that justice is not the only possible ending to the story.
The scholars explain that the person who does not forgive still retains a claim against the one who wronged him. If that claim is not settled in this world, the victim may be compensated from the offender’s good deeds in the Hereafter.[2]
But the person who forgives is promised a special reward. Rasūlullāh ﷺ tells us that Allah raises his rank and erases one of his sins. Forgiveness does not leave the victim empty-handed; it transfers the matter from the hands of people to the generosity of Allah.
You may lose the compensation you could have received from another person, but you gain a reward from the One whose treasures never diminish.
The encouragement to forgive shows that its reward is greater than merely taking one’s due from the wrongdoer.[2]
Why is it called ṣadaqah?
Allah Himself describes the relinquishing of compensation as charity. When speaking about blood money, Allah says:
“And blood money is to be paid to the victim’s family, unless they remit it as an act of charity.”
—Qurʾān, al-Nisāʾ 4:92
The scholars explain that when someone suffers an injury and gives up the compensation or retaliation due to him, that act of pardon is called ṣadaqah.[3]
This teaches us that charity is not limited to what we give from our wealth. At times, we give from the rights that we hold over others.
You may give charity from the apology you were owed.
You may give charity from the compensation you could have demanded.
You may give charity from the opportunity you had to retaliate.
You may give charity from the debt that someone could not repay.
And sometimes, you may give charity from the pain you carried.
Forgiveness does not mean removing necessary boundaries
Forgiving a person does not necessarily mean trusting them again, returning to the same relationship or allowing them another opportunity to hurt you.
You can forgive someone while still maintaining a necessary boundary.
You can release your desire for retaliation while still taking steps to protect yourself and others.
You can give up a personal claim while still reporting wrongdoing when doing so prevents further harm.
Turning pain into something that reaches the Hereafter
When people hurt us, they can leave us feeling as though something has been taken from us. Forgiveness offers a way of reclaiming that experience.
Instead of allowing the pain to produce only anger, bitterness and a desire for revenge, you may choose to turn it into an investment for the Hereafter.
You cannot always undo what happened. You cannot always make the person understand how deeply they hurt you. You may never receive the apology you deserved.
But you can still decide what your pain will become.
It can remain only a wound, or, when forgiveness is chosen, it can become ṣadaqah.
You can place it before Allah and say:
“O Allah, You saw what happened. You know what it cost me. I release my personal claim for Your sake. Raise me through it, erase my sins through it, and grant me something better than what I have given up.”
The wrongdoer may have caused the pain, but they do not have to decide the final meaning of it.
Through forgiveness, you can take something that wounded you and turn it into something that raises you.
That is the charity of pain.